And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
