so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
