all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
