Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
is it fun? or sober?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize