I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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