tell your sister to shave her snatch
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
