i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
