What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
