I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
