end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
