but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
