if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
