Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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