his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
