The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
