i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
