some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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