On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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