I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
