How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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