I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
