he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
