Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
