How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
