Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Success! We fucked roommates!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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