is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
