I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize