the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize