Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
