Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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