omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
