So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
