i jhust puked up my retainher.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
