It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
