I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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