I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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