I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
