When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
