a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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