Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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