goodnight i made you a song goodbye
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
