There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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