shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
