I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
