the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
