thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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