I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
