What a fucking waste of an outfit
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
