Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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