i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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