normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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