I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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