I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
