Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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