My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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