Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
