It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
