me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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