Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
