just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
