I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
