Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I haven't been this sober since birth.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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