We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
