I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
