he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
