And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
