I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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