No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
