If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
