Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
