I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
