dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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